When I was younger, I always wanted to grow up. To grow up so I could be in charge, so I could make my own decisions. I had no say in any of the major decisions that my family took, because I was a child. I hated it.
Now that I’m elder though, I realize how hard it is, to be in charge. I get a say in those decisions, but I never say the say. I mean, today, when I get the chance to speak up, I don’t. I worry instead. I start thinking. I start thinking about the pros and cons. I start thinking about my past mistakes. I start worrying about the future.
As a child, when I looked at any adult I envied them for their independence, their freedom. Now as an adult in my early 20s when I get the same freedom and voice which I so long desired for, I do absolutely nothing about it. It’s only lying rotting day by day in some unseen, dark and damp corner of a long forgotten room.
Do you ever feel like you’re thinking just too much and want to stop thinking? Like completely want to stop thinking? No thoughts at all? I don’t know about you, but I’m surely in one of those phases where I want to stop thinking. I would be happy even if I’m granted this wish for an hour. The cluttering of hundreds and thousands of thoughts and feelings inside me sometimes feels like a burden. A huge burden that weighs me down. And as I age more and more each year, I can feel my burden weighing more and more. I wonder when it’ll become so heavy that I’ll tumble and fall down with it. I hope it doesn’t end that way.
I’m searching for a way to control these thoughts. Meditation is the usual suggestion but I’m not really sure that I can be that patient to try it. Some suggest that instead of wanting to stop the thoughts, why not give it a proper outlet? By speaking it out or by writing it down, you’ll feel better. Well, I don’t know.. Let’s see.
What do you bloggers suggest? 😀