Tag Archives: feelings

Feeling Lost

And every once in a while there comes a time when you feel so low, yet wonder ‘Do I even have anything to lose?’

– Suri

Stuck.

He wanted to spill it all out. But couldn’t. He couldn’t form the words. They seemed to have stuck somewhere on his tongue, struggling to escape yet kept back by some force. Oh how he wished to break his shell and how he craved to be normal again!

– Suri

Honesty’s a Joke!

All this while you used to merrily point out others’ mistakes. You used to have strict constraints about how a person should be, you felt like yours is the ultimate philosophy, that there’s no one better or rather honest than you…

But you never realize when you yourself turn into a bad person. The untrustworthy. The bitch. The dishonest. And then you blame it all on time.

– Suri

Note: Sorry for the harsh words used. I’m feeling so blue today..

Turbulence

It’s times like these when she wished she had a brother, an elder brother. A brother with whom she could share anything and everything, without the fear of being judged, accused, abandoned or ashamed. A brother who she could call up at any hour of the day, to cry about her heartbreaks, her sorrows, her downfalls. A brother upon whom she could trust completely. A brother to share her joys with, to celebrate with the one who cares!

A brother to take her to places where she wouldn’t have gone without an escort. She would have opened up to him entirely, leaving not a single bit behind. He would know that his sister was an adorable little psycho and he would be fine with it. Because he would understand. He would have experienced the same kind of things that she had experienced at some point in his life. It would feel good for him as well, to have someone to share his knowledge of life with, the way he learnt it. He would try and correct his little sister whenever he felt like she’s taking a wrong decision, the wrong path. And she would always listen to him, no matter what, because he would be the only one who completely understands her!

Sometimes at night when she’s alone, she cries aloud, “Oh brother, why do I always cry for you even when I know you don’t exist?” How is it possible for someone to cry over something which never existed in the first place?

– Suri

Declutter.

Mind-3

Everyone expects you to focus;

nobody tells you how to declutter.

People give you tips on how to learn new things with zeal and enthusiasm

but what about the pre-existing things on my mind? How am I to declutter those?

I sure can’t just put a needle through my mind and make it burst like a big, fat balloon.

(I wish I could… )

 

– Suri

Unanswered Questions…

How do you console someone whose dad has passed away?  How do you ask them if they’re okay? How do you show that you genuinely care? How do you know what they really feel? And how does a person accept death of a loved one, in their early twenties?

What is life? We are born alone, we die alone. We live in the intermediate stage. But the living stage is how we define our life. Life; we make a few connections with souls around us in our lifetime. Some turns out good, some okay, but mostly not so good. But how does it matter at the end? Why end, when people face a severe loss  or difficultly during their life, they feel alone even then. As alone as we’ve come and as alone as we would leave. Why then, do we generate such a huge wave of feelings, during our transitional phase, the phase between birth and death?

My friend’s father had to embrace death a few days back. He had been affected by a medical condition called Sepsis. I wasn’t even aware of this condition before. She isn’t my close friend. Neither have I ever met her father. But her story pierced me. The loss of a parent when someone is a mere two decades old is very saddening.

Our exams are going on. We have our exams for like 25 days, almost a month, with 5-6 days holiday before each subject’s paper. And it was in the middle of all this that she had to face such a sudden loss. She’s strong, I’m told. The loss didn’t stop her from giving her exams. She’s still preparing for her upcoming papers. I do respect the strength in her and her family.

We never know what the next day might bring us. We never know if we might even live up to see the next day. I know it’s a cliché sentence but it’s so true: Live each day as if it’s your last. Anger, envy, grevience, hatred won’t do you any good. Live each day with warmth, happiness and love. And work towards spreading the love, it’s essential in today’s technological world, where people often forget about human emotions.

– Suri

A Blank Sheet.

        Day breaks, courage fails. Name crawls, memories etch. Give it love, you take back fear. The doubt you had, becomes now crystal-clear!

        I feel like a blank sheet gazing, moving, trying to fit into the hollow sockets. The place that once showered love, now depicts only a pale face. A face which is half dead. A face which only pretends.

        I feel like a blank sheet thinking upon words. Words to spill out of me, for when I have none. Words to save me, from the moments of turmoil.

        I feel like a blank sheet, when I have to say. Say, to express, to tell them what I feel. But what do I feel? Is it then safe, to presume, that what crosses my mind at that instance is what I feel?

        I feel like a blank sheet when they want answers. The answers to the questions that I think so much about. The questions that I tend to ponder on and on upon!

        Yet, they say that I don’t care a bit. They say, I don’t think about the grave, important stuff. If I try and show them, my scratched, clear blank sheet, wouldn’t they all call me a bluff?
– Suri 

A Bag Full Of Confusion!

Sometimes you do things you’ve never wanted to. And those times, when you never try the things you’ve always wanted to. They believe what they’re told. They see what they’re shown. They hear what’s blaring around. I ask, only for once, if you could try to seek out things for yourself; to pull down the veil in front of you; to move away from the commotion and hear from a place where you may find tranquility, do you think the situation would seem the same? I ask, why would you even believe and merely drink in the apparent world? If it was meant to be this way, wouldn’t everyone around be happy?

 

Note: It is an incomplete post. Nevertheless, I am posting it here, as I’m not sure how to end it properly. You can always share your views about it in the comments’ section. 🙂

– Suri

War Inside Calm Outside

          She was unnaturally calm today. Like the firm pebble in the river, true to its weight. Like the delicate roots of a plant, loyal to gravity. Like the young leaves sticking strong to its branches, even as the current of wind shakes the tree roughly about.
         
          She had no feelings of hatred today. Nor of spite, or remorse or helplessness. But there most certainly was one thought in those tiny brain cells, interrupting her calm demeanour: Till when? When should she stop ‘acting’ mean and egoistic? Is it even necessary to lower her moral for another roguish person? Will it be forgivable to taint her own soul for the mistakes of the other? When would be ‘The End’? Is there even a chance for any ceremonial end? Or would it simply be a full stop without the opportunity for a goodbye? She took a deep breath. Tried to think about a solution. History repeats itself, she read it in the book she was trying to read. Which did little to lift her spirits.

– Suri